want some happy news?

well here you go...we're engaged!

and he's the best.

Today I am thankful for field trips, James, and my lovely sister Susan.

Happy November!

knocking on the sky

i need to stop

i need to stop thinking everyone is perfect.  you, reading this right now, i think you are perfect. surprise! you have a devoted fan that thinks you're the best.  and, in truth, you are probably really fantastic and amazing, but are you really perfect? nah, who is?

i need to stop expecting to be perfect.  right?  i think that is right.  maybe.  is that right? probably....okay, enough of this.

i need to stop blogging about stuff like this.  oi.

i recently took a little trip to the happiest place on earth. with the happiest people on earth.  it was really wonderful to take a little step away from school/internship/stress and spend time with my wonderful family all fun and fancy free like. 

let me share with you...

 

in another life i would make some cool collage with these photos and swankify them up for you...but there are papers to grade and pillows to greet, so i hope these few photographs will serve to show you that we had a marvelous and happy time. 

thank you, walt. 


p.s. stay tuned! you haven't seen my sweet disney-tron pics yet!

Mother Knows Best

Mom says that I should post more.  It is always nice to know you have one fan out there!  I'll try to make a bit of time in the future to post something substantial.  My life is full of stories I could post.  Seriously.  Being in a room with 29 six year-olds all day every day definitely adds to your repertoire.

And with that, I'll leave you with some Pooh wisdom. (which is my very favorite sort)

"Some people care too much.  I think its called love."

A.A. Milne Winnie-the-Pooh

some things in life are wonderful

one of those things is being able to spend a restful evening at home.   well, not everyone would define curriculum mapping and paper correcting as restful, but it is pleasant enough when coupled with family and a good show or something. for the record, take the money and run makes me happy.

school continues to be hard.  i've already had my first break down.  i've made myself sick with stress.  the real deal even...sore throat, sneezing all the time, achy and tired.  i didn't know i could do that to myself, but no matter.  it will be okay and i know that as i teach and teach and teach and keep teaching more things will come easier....or maybe i'll just get used to the hardness.  it is hard, yes, but did i mention that it is also fun?

either way, this is what i've been working and planning for since second grade.  l'chaim!

first day

Well I should like very much to keep blogging about my life.  It is kind of fun, even if only .06 or something people are reading it.  Mostly it is therapeutic for me to write about my thoughts and goings-on.

Yesterday was my first day of school.  No, I didn't get a cute new backpack and nobody took a picture of me while I walked out the door, but I did have those butterflies in my tummy and I did wonder if I would be able to do everything that was expected of me. 

Sometimes I still marvel at the fine line between student and teacher.  I think we may always be some of both.

Anyway, the day went well.  That is, there were no major mishaps.  There were surprises, it was very very hard, but it went well.  Today was even a little better, though no less hard.  I'm a little in awe as I realize that I have signed a contract to do this for the next 180 school days...but I'm committed now, and I'm praying that things will just keep getting better.

My kids are great, my team is great, my school is great.  Now I just need to be great!  I'm working on it, and as my awesome intern facilitator says, one step at a time is all you need.

august

Ogust. Augusztus. Agosti.

the eighth month of the year.

this month.

As I woke up this morning and had the striking realization that it was now August, I felt several things.  First I felt a sort of queasy sensation in my stomach and my mind and my heart when I realized that I begin teaching first grade in a matter of weeks.  Next I felt a sort of happy lolloping in said stomach, mind, and heart as I considered the matter more thoroughly.  I confess I am highly nervous.  I mean highly nervous.  But this is also a time I've been looking forward to and counting on since 2nd grade and I know it is going to feel oh-so-good to reach it.

I've been doing some homework. Did you know that the month of August was renamed in 8 B.C. (from the Latin Sextilis) in honor of Augustus, that most famous first Roman Emperor.  He chose this month as his because throughout his life it was during the time of August that he experienced his greatest triumphs.  Although I don't intend to develop an Empire-wide courier system or annex Egypt, I hope this is also my month.  

I hope very much that this is my month.  

I fully expect anxiety and stress and a breakdown or two, but I also expect much joy and satisfaction and delight as I begin my little teaching career. So here is to August!  

We'll see what he brings.

*Wildflowers picked by James our way to Glacier National Park

sometimes i feel a little bit like this:

 ohana, anyone?

advice

i woke up this morning feeling quite listless. the result of late nights and long to-do lists, i imagine. despite the feeling i was able to sew a few things, make two batches of apple crisp, and feed five hungry children lunch.  pleasant enough activities, though the little time i was able to allot to them put some stress upon the morning. 

this week is the wedding of daniel and melissa.  i am very happy for them, and very grateful to be included in the doings of the wonderful gardners for the next few days.  i can never get enough of a wedding of two good and nice and sweet people. i'm very much looking forward to it.

ofttimes i get questions from people about my own marital prospects and perspectives. like every day. i don't blame people....i get why they are interested. the questions come in many forms and are often the spontaneous result of something random.  this morning it was sweet little em watching me do some applique. "you know, beth.  you make all these things for other people and their homes.  you should just get married so you can make them all for yourself instead."  

not a bad idea.

a friend shared these

they may or may not represent my current train of thought :)

i have a hard time with my blog

Lots of times I hate it, and sometimes I like it a lot.  Lots of times I write a great post only to delete it ten minutes later.  I think it is because I like the idea of sharing and I like the idea of writing and I like the idea of a random place to record random whatevers....but whenever I try to write a post I feel bombarded by what other people must be thinking of me.  In high school I affectionately called this idea Bethany's Imaginary Audience. They were kind of an obnoxious, critical, self-important lot.  When I came to BYU and learned all sorts of fascinating things about human development and Piaget and Elkind, I renamed them my adolescent egocentrism. 

I'm 21 now (a bonafide adult!) and I still can't seem to shake them.  So now I'm just sort of an inverse egotist who underexaggerates personal ability and merit. It is a little bit ridiculous, and has been for some time, so I propose a change.  A movement!  A revolution to become better!  To become kind and selfless and empathetic, to disband my worries, and to be not so very conceited.

and the cotton is high

Happy June 21, the first day of summer!  It seems to me that summer is already in happy full swing.  I've ticked off a couple of my i-really-want-to-do-these-this-summer items, like jumping on a trampoline, running in the sprinklers, having a fresh strawberry shake, canoeing, making a fondant cake, and sitting in the heat for a small town parade. (side note: is PG still considered a small town?)

Here is my cake made in honor of my beautiful sister Bonnie.  Special thanks to Susan for her easy fondant recipe and to Emma for her mad rose-making skills.

Next on my little mental summer list: go to the pool, make a smallish Americana quilted something or other, go on vacation with the boy and the family, and move into my classroom and make it a first grader's (or a teacher named Bethany's) dream come true.

Huzzah for summer!

*title from Gershwin and Gershwin's Porgy and Bess.  Listen here. You really should, it is beautiful.

you know what is the best?...

.

.

owl eyes

For some reason this time of year always reminds me of The Great Gatsby.  Perhaps that is only because it was about this time 5 years ago that we were to have read it in 11th grade Honors English. Or perhaps it is because Nick (who was always my favorite character) moves to West Egg in the late Spring of 1922 and it is something of a springboard for the futile interchange of Tom, Daisy, Gatsby, Jordan, Nick, and Myrtle. 

Or it could possibly be that I am simply thinking on The Great Gatsby because of how it demonstrates a sort of cynical and cyclical version of what is past. I may or may not be a little bit cynical about life just now.  I may or may not feel like I am going in circles. Ever felt like that yourself? Ever wondered just where you needed to look for just a little bit of respite?  I'm not sure if Gatsby has the answer to that one, as I never felt entirely satisfied with the ending (betrayal, murder, suicide).  I guess with Gatsby the answers to the questions do not come at the end, they come throughout the tale as the plot unwinds and rewinds and forwardwinds.  Perhaps some of them aren't even there.

And maybe that is how it is with life too.  In fact, if we only looked for answers at the end or at the beginning, we would likely miss the wisdom of the middle pages and the pages that no one has written yet.

“If all the world hated you, and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends.”  

-Helen, Jane Eyre

may the fourth

geez, Louise. I love Star Wars.  Everything Star Wars.  I love Darth Vader and pod-racing and  Qui-Gon and Princess Leia hairstyles and Han and Obi-Wan and Mos Eisely and those ultra cheesy lines in number 3. And I love quotes like this:

Today, as you know, is Intergalactic Star Wars Day! What a legit holiday. It has its own Wikipedia page and everything. This calls for celebration, I should think.  Perhaps a marathon of Star Wars movies tonight?  Perhaps a light-sabre battle on the front lawn?  Perhaps playing a little Lego Star Wars on Gamecube?  Perhaps the heavy consumption of blue kool-aid in imitation of that drink Aunt Beru gives Uncle Owen and Luke?  Perhaps all of the above.  I mean, look at all of the fun we had last year...

Yeah, we are nerds. Super exciting nerds who love super exciting things like Star Wars.  And, in celebration of this great day, this lovely little announcement was made. Come September, you and I can have this:

Huzzah!  Happy Star Wars Day!  

Make sure you do something festive.  

Destroy the Death Star. Hug a wookiee. Have fun!

look at me embracing the digital age

It took me quite awhile to get a cell phone, even longer to get an iPod, and now I am getting what I probably should have had from the very first: a camera! 

Cute little Canon Powershot A3100. I'm pretty much really excited!  I'm kind of a little bit fanatical about recording, capturing, and sentimentalizing random things, happy memories, and the like, so this is going to be my new best friend.

the king's speech

Last night I received word that my family would not be arriving home from their Disneyland trip just yet, but would be staying over in St. George and driving the remainder of the way this morning.  Well, in order to console myself about having to be all alone with 4 cats for one more night, I took myself to a movie.

It was fantastic! Months ago when I saw the preview I built up a happy anticipation for it...until I discovered that it was rated R.  Rats.  Then it won a bazillion Academy Awards, and  THEN it was re-released with a PG-13 rating because someone realized there was no reason to rate it R.  Anyway, I saw it and I loved it.

Aside from the 15 seconds of straight (and impassioned) profanity that maintains that -13 rating there isn't anything that could make this movie better than it is.  Don't tell, but I will allow that slew of profanity because it is actually completely integral to the film and to King George VI's character's journey.

The King's Speech is full of our favorite fantastic British actors.  I love these guys.  See, we have Mr. Darcy, who is the son of Dumbledore, and the brother of Fernand Mondego.  He is also married to Bellatrix Lestrange and receives speech therapy from Captain Barbossa , who also happens to be married to Elizabeth Bennet.  Not to mention that  the Scarlet Pimpernel is the Prime Minister, Mr. Collins is the Theatre Director, and Peter Pettigrew is none other than Winston Churchill.

See?  Awesome caliber of actors.  Awesome film. Awesome story.  Awesome music (Alexander Desplat is always fantastic).  Awesome visual style...you get a great sense of how constricted the King feels.  Awesome everything. Go see it.  Plug your ears for that 15 seconds or so if you like, but go see it.  Here is one of my favorite parts:

King George VI: "Listen to me!"
Lionel Logue: "Listen to you?  By what right?"
King George VI: "By divine right if you must, I am your king."
Lionel Logue: "No you're not, you told me so yourself.  You didn't want it.  Why should I waste my time listening?"
King George VI: "Because I have a right to be heard.  I have a voice!"

I love it.

Dream Job

Yesterday, after prayers and pleadings and nervous tummies and hopeful smiles up at the heavens and a highly-intimidating interview process........I was invited to join the faculty at Deerfield Elementary for the upcoming school year!  Yay!  The more that I think about this, the more I realize the magnitude of the responsibility that I am assuming...and just how wonderful an opportunity it is!  Working as an intern will not be the easiest thing I have ever done, but I'm going to give everything I have to my 25 or so 1st or 2nd graders, and I know it is going to be a wonderful school year. 

And how nice are the people at Deerfield?  Pretty dang nice....apparently they welcome their interns by sending them these:

Goodness, I'm a lucky girl :)

Quicky Happy List

1. people laughing way too loudly
2. grey clouds
3. babies in thermal pajamas
4. 100% Juice
5. Queen Elizabeth II
6. Friday nights and Saturday mornings

good people and a birthday wish

I's is grateful for people. Good people who try to be good because they know that, truthfully, it is good to be good. Everyday I battle it out as Good Bethany engages Evil Bethany is aggressive hand-to-hand combat. Sometimes it may escalate into a good old-fashioned knife fight with machetes and titanium blades, but, no worries, GB usually squeaks through and gets the upper hand somewhere in there. 

An over-concern with being good leads me to be tremendously thankful for the opportunities that I have to associate with good people, and it seems I have had those in abundance lately.  Here are a few:

Papanwa: My papsy is the kindest in the world, and always asks me how my day is, how school and teacher-prep are, how James is, and how Bethany is.  I know sometimes I may appear a little frustrated when I don't know how to answer all of those questions (or when the answers cause me to sigh), but I appreciate you asking anyway.  

The CFA who shares my name:  I know I just met you this semester, and you could be more interested in your last-semester cohort students (heck, they are more interesting), but thanks for noticing me, and thanks for placing faith in me.  Thank you for noticing my attempts to "step it up" and "grow" from scary teaching experiences.  I'll keep trying to make those attempts because I know you are coming on Tuesday to observe (and rate) my profusion of teaching skills.  At least I know you'll always do it with love.

Dear Bre: You've been cracking me up since junior high, I've always thought you the epitome of grace and refinement with that harp of yours, and I recently discovered how much of a blessing it is to confide in you. Thank you for your listening ear, your thoughts, your experience, and your testimony.  Oh, and thanks for your posts of your cute widdo guy; they always make me smile.


To the owner of the Facebook page that I stole this quote from:  "Enough had been thought, and said, and felt, and imagined. It was about time that something should be done."  -C.S. Lewis.   Golly, thanks.


And, of course, to James:  You are yourself, and you are good.  You tell me I can do and survive anything.  You're a listener, you're patient, you're kind, you're here.......and (deep breath).....today is your birthday!

Have a happy one :)

grace

"If foil'd at first, resume thy course, Rise strengthened with Antaean force. So shall thy toil in conquest end."

William Mason, Ode to the Honourable William Pitt

i read a sweet book today

A Brave Soldier, Nicolas Debon

.

major life accomplishments

Today I received an email from the university graduation police (or somebody) reminding me to apply for graduation.  Has my time really grown so short?  It dawns on me that this is my last semester on campus.  This seems very strange.  Where will I be if not walking to class on a frosty campus at 8:00am everyday?  What will I do without the carillon serenading my steps?

I suppose I know exactly where I will be and what I will be doing.  Teaching cute little kids in some cute little school as I complete my cute little internship.  I won't graduate until after that (April 2012), but still.  Where have four years gone? Soon I'll have a diploma and a degree, a tiny little set of letters after my name, and a tiny little bit of experience.  Uh-oh.  That means I'll be an adult or something.  Yikes!

Happy List #2 (or is it 3? maybe 4?)

I'm super-pscyhed-crazy-stressed-what-am-I-going-to-do-about-school-and-life-in-general?-ahhhh!, to put it shortly.  I need something happy and calm to keep me going through these mountains of Utah core curriculum maps, looming INTASC standards, and endless readings and lectures on subject integration and differentiation of instruction.  How about a weekend?

And perhaps a happy list...

1. hot showers
2. family and friends that like me despite myself
3. hope...winter semester can't last forever, can it?
4. coconut m&ms
5. Thomas Edison

There, I feel much better.  Life really is good, just a little stressful when you are a wannabe teacher.

Stuffed with Fluff

After this crazy first week of the semester I find that all I want to do.....

is hug this!