some things in life are wonderful

one of those things is being able to spend a restful evening at home.   well, not everyone would define curriculum mapping and paper correcting as restful, but it is pleasant enough when coupled with family and a good show or something. for the record, take the money and run makes me happy.

school continues to be hard.  i've already had my first break down.  i've made myself sick with stress.  the real deal even...sore throat, sneezing all the time, achy and tired.  i didn't know i could do that to myself, but no matter.  it will be okay and i know that as i teach and teach and teach and keep teaching more things will come easier....or maybe i'll just get used to the hardness.  it is hard, yes, but did i mention that it is also fun?

either way, this is what i've been working and planning for since second grade.  l'chaim!

first day

Well I should like very much to keep blogging about my life.  It is kind of fun, even if only .06 or something people are reading it.  Mostly it is therapeutic for me to write about my thoughts and goings-on.

Yesterday was my first day of school.  No, I didn't get a cute new backpack and nobody took a picture of me while I walked out the door, but I did have those butterflies in my tummy and I did wonder if I would be able to do everything that was expected of me. 

Sometimes I still marvel at the fine line between student and teacher.  I think we may always be some of both.

Anyway, the day went well.  That is, there were no major mishaps.  There were surprises, it was very very hard, but it went well.  Today was even a little better, though no less hard.  I'm a little in awe as I realize that I have signed a contract to do this for the next 180 school days...but I'm committed now, and I'm praying that things will just keep getting better.

My kids are great, my team is great, my school is great.  Now I just need to be great!  I'm working on it, and as my awesome intern facilitator says, one step at a time is all you need.

august

Ogust. Augusztus. Agosti.

the eighth month of the year.

this month.

As I woke up this morning and had the striking realization that it was now August, I felt several things.  First I felt a sort of queasy sensation in my stomach and my mind and my heart when I realized that I begin teaching first grade in a matter of weeks.  Next I felt a sort of happy lolloping in said stomach, mind, and heart as I considered the matter more thoroughly.  I confess I am highly nervous.  I mean highly nervous.  But this is also a time I've been looking forward to and counting on since 2nd grade and I know it is going to feel oh-so-good to reach it.

I've been doing some homework. Did you know that the month of August was renamed in 8 B.C. (from the Latin Sextilis) in honor of Augustus, that most famous first Roman Emperor.  He chose this month as his because throughout his life it was during the time of August that he experienced his greatest triumphs.  Although I don't intend to develop an Empire-wide courier system or annex Egypt, I hope this is also my month.  

I hope very much that this is my month.  

I fully expect anxiety and stress and a breakdown or two, but I also expect much joy and satisfaction and delight as I begin my little teaching career. So here is to August!  

We'll see what he brings.

*Wildflowers picked by James our way to Glacier National Park

sometimes i feel a little bit like this:

 ohana, anyone?

advice

i woke up this morning feeling quite listless. the result of late nights and long to-do lists, i imagine. despite the feeling i was able to sew a few things, make two batches of apple crisp, and feed five hungry children lunch.  pleasant enough activities, though the little time i was able to allot to them put some stress upon the morning. 

this week is the wedding of daniel and melissa.  i am very happy for them, and very grateful to be included in the doings of the wonderful gardners for the next few days.  i can never get enough of a wedding of two good and nice and sweet people. i'm very much looking forward to it.

ofttimes i get questions from people about my own marital prospects and perspectives. like every day. i don't blame people....i get why they are interested. the questions come in many forms and are often the spontaneous result of something random.  this morning it was sweet little em watching me do some applique. "you know, beth.  you make all these things for other people and their homes.  you should just get married so you can make them all for yourself instead."  

not a bad idea.

a friend shared these

they may or may not represent my current train of thought :)

i have a hard time with my blog

Lots of times I hate it, and sometimes I like it a lot.  Lots of times I write a great post only to delete it ten minutes later.  I think it is because I like the idea of sharing and I like the idea of writing and I like the idea of a random place to record random whatevers....but whenever I try to write a post I feel bombarded by what other people must be thinking of me.  In high school I affectionately called this idea Bethany's Imaginary Audience. They were kind of an obnoxious, critical, self-important lot.  When I came to BYU and learned all sorts of fascinating things about human development and Piaget and Elkind, I renamed them my adolescent egocentrism. 

I'm 21 now (a bonafide adult!) and I still can't seem to shake them.  So now I'm just sort of an inverse egotist who underexaggerates personal ability and merit. It is a little bit ridiculous, and has been for some time, so I propose a change.  A movement!  A revolution to become better!  To become kind and selfless and empathetic, to disband my worries, and to be not so very conceited.