sometimes i feel a little bit like this:

 ohana, anyone?

advice

i woke up this morning feeling quite listless. the result of late nights and long to-do lists, i imagine. despite the feeling i was able to sew a few things, make two batches of apple crisp, and feed five hungry children lunch.  pleasant enough activities, though the little time i was able to allot to them put some stress upon the morning. 

this week is the wedding of daniel and melissa.  i am very happy for them, and very grateful to be included in the doings of the wonderful gardners for the next few days.  i can never get enough of a wedding of two good and nice and sweet people. i'm very much looking forward to it.

ofttimes i get questions from people about my own marital prospects and perspectives. like every day. i don't blame people....i get why they are interested. the questions come in many forms and are often the spontaneous result of something random.  this morning it was sweet little em watching me do some applique. "you know, beth.  you make all these things for other people and their homes.  you should just get married so you can make them all for yourself instead."  

not a bad idea.

a friend shared these

they may or may not represent my current train of thought :)

i have a hard time with my blog

Lots of times I hate it, and sometimes I like it a lot.  Lots of times I write a great post only to delete it ten minutes later.  I think it is because I like the idea of sharing and I like the idea of writing and I like the idea of a random place to record random whatevers....but whenever I try to write a post I feel bombarded by what other people must be thinking of me.  In high school I affectionately called this idea Bethany's Imaginary Audience. They were kind of an obnoxious, critical, self-important lot.  When I came to BYU and learned all sorts of fascinating things about human development and Piaget and Elkind, I renamed them my adolescent egocentrism. 

I'm 21 now (a bonafide adult!) and I still can't seem to shake them.  So now I'm just sort of an inverse egotist who underexaggerates personal ability and merit. It is a little bit ridiculous, and has been for some time, so I propose a change.  A movement!  A revolution to become better!  To become kind and selfless and empathetic, to disband my worries, and to be not so very conceited.

and the cotton is high

Happy June 21, the first day of summer!  It seems to me that summer is already in happy full swing.  I've ticked off a couple of my i-really-want-to-do-these-this-summer items, like jumping on a trampoline, running in the sprinklers, having a fresh strawberry shake, canoeing, making a fondant cake, and sitting in the heat for a small town parade. (side note: is PG still considered a small town?)

Here is my cake made in honor of my beautiful sister Bonnie.  Special thanks to Susan for her easy fondant recipe and to Emma for her mad rose-making skills.

Next on my little mental summer list: go to the pool, make a smallish Americana quilted something or other, go on vacation with the boy and the family, and move into my classroom and make it a first grader's (or a teacher named Bethany's) dream come true.

Huzzah for summer!

*title from Gershwin and Gershwin's Porgy and Bess.  Listen here. You really should, it is beautiful.

you know what is the best?...

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owl eyes

For some reason this time of year always reminds me of The Great Gatsby.  Perhaps that is only because it was about this time 5 years ago that we were to have read it in 11th grade Honors English. Or perhaps it is because Nick (who was always my favorite character) moves to West Egg in the late Spring of 1922 and it is something of a springboard for the futile interchange of Tom, Daisy, Gatsby, Jordan, Nick, and Myrtle. 

Or it could possibly be that I am simply thinking on The Great Gatsby because of how it demonstrates a sort of cynical and cyclical version of what is past. I may or may not be a little bit cynical about life just now.  I may or may not feel like I am going in circles. Ever felt like that yourself? Ever wondered just where you needed to look for just a little bit of respite?  I'm not sure if Gatsby has the answer to that one, as I never felt entirely satisfied with the ending (betrayal, murder, suicide).  I guess with Gatsby the answers to the questions do not come at the end, they come throughout the tale as the plot unwinds and rewinds and forwardwinds.  Perhaps some of them aren't even there.

And maybe that is how it is with life too.  In fact, if we only looked for answers at the end or at the beginning, we would likely miss the wisdom of the middle pages and the pages that no one has written yet.